The 'Hon. Crazie Ship"

There are many ways to include the letter z in a word. Words like 'razzamatazz' 'mezzanine' and 'papparazzi' splash the letter z around like a B-grade celebrity would drop an A-grade celebrity name at a C-grade media interview.

Many clever patents capitalise on this rebel Pluto of the alphabet universe; ANZ bank, Coke Zero, GenZ, Beezlebub. But perhaps one of the more profitable inventions of the early 20th century, is the word 'Schizophrenia'.

Sheer genius. Only a coffee table of pipe smoking boffins would think to take the  greek word for 'split' and squish it up cosily to the latin word for 'identity' and declare it a new world national party. The z in the middle welds the two worlds together with
such a hadron collider, I wouldn't dare question the shizzaz of the physics. And it seems, no one else has.

If in some bizarre twist of fortune, you woke up today and God was a 2 digit phone number away from your left thumb, your cat had stolen your memory of 1979 and was using it as an algorithm of quantum solace, and the neighbour from hell, was indeed proven the neighbour from hell, well yeh, you'd want a magnificent brand tagline stitched to your neck.

But don't think it's just a nerd's stiff dictionary meaning wet dream. No no. You don't get a stamp like this on your neck and just walk away with a swagger. No. You get 'medicated' as a side effect.

Now, as if a single 'z' in the middle of a cross cultural word isn't fancy enough for you, the modern day descendants of the original plaid clad street crew have also spent many sleepless nights coming up with equally 'z-fullness' linguistics in the form of pills. Oh, what fun they have! This time, a mish mashing of dissonant letters like 'zr' and 'ks' and 'td' knit into a tapestry of exquisite prescription gymnastics. The result is random captcha's like 'Quetiapine' 'Aripiprazole' 'Chlorpromazine' 'Flupenthixol' 'Escitalopram'.

Just trying to say these words can give you a brain cramp if you don't warm up first. Perhaps this could be a new craze, a new form of Sudoku sold in newsagents and supermarkets everywhere. We could have championship psych-term verbalising matches.

Anyhow, this is all beside the point. A sharp criss cross Zorro-like swipe point across the final frontier of letter-smashing. A new sport could emerge in demonstration olympics; Extreme Alphabetising. Or should that be, alphabetizing?? I'm all fuzz'd out, I feel like a zombie on Zyprexa. Night.. zzz.